Sep 3, 2015

Lead Me


"You have not taught your children light and truth, according to the commandments; and that wicked one hath power, as yet, over you, and this is the cause of your affliction.
And now a commandment I give unto you—if you will be delivered you shall set in order your own house, for there are many things that are not right in your house." ~Doctrine and Covenants 93:42-43

      Anyone who knows me knows that I am what the world calls a "strict" mom. My kids do chores, have rules to follow, and are not spoiled nor given everything they want. We have a very large family, and we have many children to care for, so we do our best to supply them with their needs and many of their wants, but we literally cannot meet all of their requests.

      We also don't feel that it is good for children to have everything they want when they want it. We want them to learn patience, self-denial, and discipline. We assign our younger ones to the care of our older ones, because we want them to learn to serve unselfishly, and to sacrifice.

      The way I have tried to manage our home and family has been orderly and intentional. I have done all I can to make our home environment rich in art, music, spirituality, and culture. I have always wanted my children to learn how to be truly good, live with integrity, and love God.

      But there is one area that I have neglected, and made the mistake of expecting things to grow organically, without effort from me.

      I have neglected my children academically.

Parental Stewardship

      I have been homeschooling a long time-- a long time! Since 1999, I have had my children home with me for the purpose of being educated under my care. I have often explained one of my reasons for homeschooling as feeling that the education of my children is my God-given responsibility and stewardship.

      So how could I have neglected the education of my children in this way???

      To make a very long story short, I came to believe that my children did not need my instruction-- that they would learn all they needed to learn on their own. I felt that if I set the example of working on my own projects, that they would follow suit and work on their own.

      In many ways, things did work well. If I practiced the piano, my children would clamor to play the piano. If I spent hours a day reading, my children would spend hours reading.

     But there was one element that did not work out in a positive way. My projects tended to be on the computer. I was doing big things! I was connecting homeschoolers, building a community and network of homeschooling families, planning and running events. It was fun and exciting! I was busy and happy. My kids were smart, they were reading, having fun, learning various subjects, and discussing. But they were not receiving instruction and guidance-- academically-- from me.

      The one thing I was not doing, was homeschooling.

Unschooling

      For those who do not homeschool, who might read my blog, you need to understand that there is a movement in the homeschool world that has gained a lot of traction. It's called "Unschooling." 

      I want to make it crystal clear that I am NOT here to discredit unschooling, or say that no parent should use unschooling ideals in their homes. I could never, ever in good conscience tell a parent that what they are doing in their own God-given stewardship over their children's education is lacking. I believe in 100% homeschooling freedom, and I find compulsory schooling laws to be unjust and draconian.

      I can, however, with conviction, say that unschooling did not serve my own family well. 

      I wish to cover my reasons over the course of time here on my blog, so I will elucidate on my personal experiences unschooling in the future. More on that to come...

Steering the Boat

"I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father;" ~1 Nephi 1:1

      My oldest children were by now in their teens. They were good kids, they were thinking about great things, and reading difficult books. However, they were so independent and strong-willed that they would not submit academically to anyone-- not to me, as their mother, nor to the mentors that taught them in their weekly classes with our homeschool group. They were the masters of their educations, only they were now prideful and unteachable.

      Frankly, they did not know all that they did not know! They had no course, and did not know how to navigate, even if they did have a plan. They simply floated along the waves of their present interests, and were going nowhere. Adulthood was waiting on the horizon, and they were clueless on how to meet it.

      At about this same time, I read a phrase written by a fellow homeschooler who had children slightly older than myself. What she wrote rang in my ears, and caused me to begin to change my own course.

      She wrote,

"We cannot leave our children to float adrift in their educational boats."

      Like a clash of thunder, I knew that I needed to step up and help my children steer their boats, before they drifted further and further off the course I knew that God and I wanted for them.

      So after more than a decade of "homeschooling," I found that I needed to start over. I needed to stop focusing on other homeschooling mothers and their children, and "behold my own little ones."

      The beam in my own eye had to be addressed, at last. It was a path of humiliation and regret, but at last I was going to face the fact that I had neglected the education of those precious ones I had been given stewardship over.

      Which is the course upon which I am still finding my way today.

      Thank you for joining me on the voyage.

With love, Rachel

23 comments:

  1. I understand well the problem of children seeing us on the computer (even as we use it as a tool) and thinking we just play on the computer aimlessly. I don't know that young children can make the distinction. It is interesting that other "hands on" learning passes along (like music and reading). hugs. Learning to change and adjust and learn and grow is a great lesson for your children to learn from you!

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    1. That's a great way to look at it-- thank you, Britt!

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  2. I love that you're so open and willing to share this Rachel. It can be so easy in our effort to validate homeschooling in general to only share what is working well publically and not share the struggles, failures, and mistakes along the way. Thank you for sharing!!! Praying for you and yours as you tend your busy nest.

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    1. Thank you, Tristan. It is scary! But I am sharing in the hope that others can learn from my mistakes. :-)

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  3. Oh! Be gentle with yourself! We all wish we could be perfect from the start, but none of us can be! Enjoy the privileges of lifelong learning, repentance, and change that are ours as gifts of our Father in Heaven and His Son. Go forward in faith! :)

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    1. Thank you! I AM a perfectionist, and often see the mistakes, rather than the victories. I appreciate your kind words. :-)

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  4. Perhaps you have done better than you think. I can tell you this, none of us do as well as we could. We all want to do better. And while you may be right in that way, I think you should know that your son, Brennan, is impressively humble and teachable. I honestly am very much impressed with him in in this regard. Teen boys DO go through some ornery phases of independence; but they get through it, and that is not who they are. Chin up, Mama Rachel. They are going to be OK. ;) I AM interested to hear all that you are learning though. Keep writing. ;)

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    1. Thank you, Corine! I am so grateful that you have taken such good care of my missionary. I know that he has grown and come a long way. He brings me a great deal of joy! (And yeah, he was kinda ornery there, for a while. LOL!) <3

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  5. I must say this has been a breathe of fresh air for me to read! I have felt the same things, and the joy of homeschooling or maybe that ought to be life, is to realize these mistakes, and then learn from them! I think there is a balancing act between too much independence and not enough! Finding that spot in each child is a great work!
    Blessings in your new journey. I'm excited to follow along.

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    1. Thank you for your kind comments! You make some great points-- you've got me thinking. :-) I am glad to have you here!!

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  6. Very well said! It is wonderful to know when God is teaching us that his way is better. I love when God gives me those "Teaching Moments" even when they're hard to accept in the beginning, but when I look back I can see He knows, He truly does.He has the whole picture, so who better to ask and be taught by.

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    1. An excellent point, Cami! It IS wonderful to have these teaching opportunities!! :-)

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  7. Thank you for being so honest. I love being able to learn from others experiences.

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  8. Thank you for sharing! You are an inspiration!

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    1. Thank you for reading, Steph! You are so kind!! :-)

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    1. Thank you for your sincere question! I will go into it more on this blog. In many ways, I DO feel like we are highly educated in many things, but in other things, we are lacking. I do plan to go more into it-- thank you for your patience! {Hugs}

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  10. Rachel,

    Wow! That must have been a hard post to write. Homeschooling is SO humbling. Thank you so much for sharing. I love that you shared even though you felt like you made some mistakes. I love learning from other mothers and some of the best lessons we can share with each other are the times when we made a mistake or didn't do as well as we would have liked. It takes courage to take a step back, re-asses, and move forward again! I'll be thinking of you and I hope your new plans for your school go well.
    It's neat that because you have such a large family, you can kind of start all over again with a whole new batch of kids! Kids just give us endless opportunities to learn eh?

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    1. Holly, I AM so thankful for all the opportunities that the Lord is giving me to do this!! :-D {Hugs!}

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  11. It can be so hard to change what was once right for our family when we find out it no longer is. I applaud you for having the courage to make changes as lead by the Spirit. I look forward to hearing about what you are doing differently to better meet the needs of your family.

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    1. Thank you, Jennifer! (I love applause! LOL!) I am glad you are joining me here. :-)

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Be nice, kids!